Well we survived the hot weekend...they had the coldest Coachella Fest last weekend and the hottest one this weekend. Poor Timothy dressed in black, black boiling hot stage at 3:00 in the afternoon. Hottest point of the day. He was miserable. They showed photos of the fest with over 85,000 people wall to wall in the heat. For me that would be a taste of hell...I overheat easily and hate crowds.
I was hoping for a better visit with him since who knows when our paths will cross again but he was tired, stressed and wanted to go home. I can understand that.
The luau was good fun but I may have to sneak into the clubhouse for golf because I am pretty sure I was having a bit TOO much fun. I thought I could dance, thought I was funny, thought I was entertaining and we all know what that looks like! Oh well someone needed to be that person..it was difficult to compete for it tho because several guys were wearing tiaras and grass skirts. If you start with that its difficult to stand out more~
We had friends from GH meet up with us last week for happy hour and came over to see our house. They live in our old neighborhood and she was our realtor. While I thought it was so wonderful that she included me in her tight group of friends I always felt like crying when I went home. I do not know if its country club living or what but I have never experienced so much gossiping behind backs as I did in our 4 yrs there. I had some wonderful times in GH and met some lovely friends as well so I am not saying I regret moving there. I just dont miss the drama and judgmental lifestyle. KVK said it was terrible his senior yr to be around the Canterwood kids because popularity was all based on how much money your parents had and what they were willing to pick up the tab for their kids to do. Guess he was a misfit for sure since we would never have lived up to comparison.
So during this evening with our friends she says to me 'So besides us you do you miss from Canterwood?" I replied I missed our neighbors ( older Japanese couple) and that was about it. She was absolutely indignant that I said that...and needless to say we didnt see them again during their visit. I have put considerable thought into why I feel this way and basically if I miss my previous life I cannot be happy in my present. If I look back at all the places we have lived I have definitely missed one more than the rest but I want to be here now. I enjoy meeting strangers and making them into new friends. Maybe I feel more vulnerable with old friends because they know too much or I know too much about them. I have had a couple of gfs I thought were lifelong friends completely drop me recently. One can't help but wonder what changed about me so much they no longer want to know me? Should I try to figure it out and change back or simply move on? Well of course I choose move on...its easier and honestly I don't believe everyone you knew is suppose to be a part of your future.
I do wonder though if I am not as nice or as fun as they thought I should be.... people change.
So last night I was pondering this concept and I came to the conclusion that I simply dont miss lives or places I have experienced. I basically only miss the times I was a family. I miss being 1/5 of the Vetterli family and all the relatives that came with it. I completely miss being 1/5 of the Kamolz family and how much I loved my sons and being the center of our family. I miss belonging to a group of people that had to love me for simply being one of them. Friends dont have the same obligation and it feels like a lot of work sometimes to nurture friendships. Unfortunately I also ended up in a family (Vetterlis) that fell apart and I have almost no connection with any of them. I see my cousins family all get together and its amazing there are so many and all very close. I didn't get that and there is nothing I can do to change it. Our side is a band of gypsies and loners and people seeking their own happiness. I am one of them. My sons are all taking different paths and I guess we raised them that way. I just miss being a part of a family and our lives intertwining into the fabric of us.
I do not miss my life in WA and I have new friends to nurture here and so many new experiences waiting for me. Life is what you make it and if you are looking over your shoulder at the past you will miss all that is ahead of you.
Thanks for dropping by.
Hi,
ReplyDeletefirst of all....I am one of those people that LOVE reading loved ones blogs! I check them all the time for updates, in fact. Ok, so maybe I need to get a life but what the hell, it makes me feel in touch.
The friend thing is difficult. I have moved several times over the years, like you and I'm with you on the comment regarding some friends from your past aren't supposed to be a part of your future. I think people come in and out of our lives at different stages. I am not homesick for Ashland or Park City. I wonder if I should be but then I think to myself that I'm living for today and the future. I MISS certain people from both those places! Keeping in touch once in awhile without guilt is enough. I would love to visit both places often but of course won't get the opportunity to do that. Utah holds all the boys so that has to be my priority.
As far as my extended family; I realize we are very rare and very lucky to be so close. We are all eachothers favorite people!! My kids feel the same way, I'm feel blessed for that.
Enjoy your new life, you are off to a great start!
love, hugs and kisses cousin!
Sorry I have been so behind with blogging. I think we make the time for the things we want, and I just haven't wanted to share my thoughts publicly lately; too personal or else not appropriate to post online (work-related, etc).
ReplyDeleteOf course I wish we could be closer as a fam, but right now it's just not extremely feasible for all 5. At least you get to see a lot of Timothy, eh? More than ever before, anyway.
I'm like you, very keen to leave the past in the past. It's not that I want to burn bridges. I have a lot of distance close friends with whom I stay in touch: ZuZu, Katy Roe, Smalls, Mary McGillicuddy, Marie & Laura (Danish girls), to name a few. I guess I just like a fresh beginning, and when a period in your life is over, especially while it was not necessarily a positive one, why let it continue to weigh you down? I do like that I've established my own life & groundings here in Washington, though, completely independent from my Gig Harbor life. That's one advantage of having lived in one place for 4 years (Pullman) and the connections you can make when you stick around. It's cool to think that I did that all on my own through school, work, rowing, and friends.
Its fine if you do not wish to blog..it does take time and motivation for each post. I guess I just felt badly that because you and tk stopped writing it seemed you also stopped reading mine. Which of course is an option but not a good one!
DeleteI do not see the 5 of us ever being in a close knit situation and its fine. We are all busy living our own lives and that is a good thing too. I just meant if I was going to miss people in my past it would be those times of belonging to a family.
You should be proud of the life you have created and continue on becoming who are meant to be. I have no friends from college and only a few from high school and have been sad about it occasinally. However it takes two to make a friendship and sometimes just not worth the effort if you are the only one trying. SCU not SC. Even dad after returning for his reunion to a very tight class said he didnt need to do it again. Life...you just never know where it will lead you. xo
Well I am hopefully seeing both of my brothers (because there are only two) next week, so that is a step in the right direction : )
DeleteOh my gosh, can you imagine me at a Peninsula High reunion? I'd rather kiss a dead moose's butt.